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Mind Games By John Karalis RedsArmy.com Columnist As I laid back and sunned myself on a fine beach on Cape Cod, I found my mind drifting. What is the meaning of life? What is my purpose on this earth? Are we being too hard on Doc Rivers? Maybe it was the SPF seeping into my head. Maybe it was the hypnotic din of crashing waves, screaming kids and seagulls. Maybe it was a way of drowning out that conversation between teenaged girls who set up shop a little too close to my chair… which went like this: “So I was like ‘what are you saying’, and he was like ‘I don’t like your bangs’, so I was like ‘so you think I’m ugly’ and he was like ‘no, you’re just less hot’.” Yeah… and I was like “please someone puncture my eardrums.” So here it is… a little glance at my psychosis. A bit of stream-of-consciousness, Celtics-style. Consider it an invitation inside my brain. Just keep your hands inside the bus and don’t open any doors. There are a lot of ugly things up there. Ahem. Ok… I’m at a bar half-cocked and blathering on about the Celtics. It’s one of those rants where you’re spurring yourself on and you’re a step away from just standing on the chair and preaching to everyone. What if Danny Ainge is in that crowd? Is there any string of thoughts that I could spew to make Danny say “hey… he’s right… I need to hire that guy”? I mean, isn’t that everyone’s dream? You’re just yakking and yakking and suddenly you get a tap on the shoulder. It’s Danny… and he says to you “I like the way you think, how about coming to work for the Celtics?” Will that ever happen? What if it’s that same scenario except its Doc Rivers in the crowd and I’m on a tear about him needing to be fired. Would he just run off? Would he cry? Would he ask me for help? Would he fight me? Wouldn’t it be great if I stepped outside and he just hauled off and punched me in the nose? C’mon Doc… Ain’t so bad… show me some fire. Speaking of Doc… this one is for those who are relentlessly on his case. Is there anything he can do to win you back? What if Doc coached the C’s to 4 straight last second wins… would he still have to go out and save a baby from a burning building on the way home? Would you guys say “yeah, but he waited too long before going in… Gerald Green would have gotten the baby AND the crib out of there if Doc had sent HIM in.” How much does he have to do? I’m just looking for some guidance on this. You are running for your life and you turn into a dark alley. The person chasing you is long gone… but suddenly a person steps out behind you and says “if you want to leave… you’re going to have to get through me.” Who would you fear more: Kendrick Perkins or Leon Powe? Would you wet yourself just based on the look they give you? Would you immediately attack Kendrick’s shoulder or Leon’s knees hoping you found the magic spot to make them crumble? Me… I might fake passing out. Either that, or I’d cry and beg so much, that they’d get disgusted by my display and just let me out of there because they don’t want to waste their time with me. Hey… it’s all about self preservation. What if instead of playing this season in the NBA… The Celtics just become a wrestling stable and enter the WWE? Would there be a better tag team than Powe and Perkins? I submit that there would not. And which one of the C’s would be most likely to turn on a teammate and hit him with a chair? My money would be on Al Jefferson. He’s probably sick of being picked on for needing 3 years to come back from a sprained ankle. I’d be he’d brain Ryan Gomes with the ring bell… and then go on a huge riff about how HE’S the future of the team at power forward, not Ryan. What if that happened in a game? Here’s the scenario: Celtics are down by one against the Nets with 5 seconds left. Jason Kidd makes a pass that’s a little too conveniently poor… right into the hands of Al Jefferson. Jeff and Gomes are off on the 2 on none break and Al gives Ryan a nice little bounce pass. But just at Ryan goes up for the game winning dunk, Al CLOTHESLINES him and the Celtics lose. Then Al takes off his Celtics jersey to reveal a Nets uniform… and he runs off laughing with his arms around Vince Carter and Richard Jefferson. Ryan would be twitching for a little while… but he’d get up just in time to challenge them to a cage match on pay per view next week. Now THAT would be a reason to watch the Celtics this season. And THAT is probably where I should shut off my stream of consciousness. It’s a wild scene inside my head, man. And this is just the edited version dealing specifically with the C’s. I’d share the rest, but my therapist and lawyer have advised against that… you know… for liability reasons and whatnot. So the next time you wonder “what kind of crazy fan would decide to launch and run a website dedicated to a currently mediocre NBA team?”… this is your answer. |